Post by werebobwildpants on Jun 21, 2010 19:21:40 GMT -5
(WEEEE! GREAT MUPPET CAPER PARODY!Oh how I've been meaning to do this...)
Cast:
SpongeBob: Kermit
Patrick: Fozzie
May (in fish form): Gonzo
Sandy: Miss Piggy
Mr. Krabs: the Editor guy
Squidward: Nicky Holiday
Mrs. Puff: Lady Holiday
Chapter One: Hey, A Movie!
____________________________________________________
‘’Pretty nice up here isn’t it?’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Huh?’’
‘’What if we drift out to sea? What if we’re never heard from again? W-What if there’s a storm?! We’ll get struck by lightning!”
‘’That’d be neat!’’
‘’Listen, nothing’s gonna happen! These are just the opening credits.’’
‘’Oh… where are they?’’
{A large piece of text appears on the screen}
‘’Wow!’’
{The Great Spongy Caper}
‘’Nice title.’’
‘’Whoowee! I’d like to try this WITHOUT the balloon!’’
‘’Try what, plummeting?!”’
‘’Yeeeaaaah.’’’
‘’I suppose you could try it. Once.’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Hm?’’
‘’How long are these opening credits?’’
‘’Just another minute or so.’’
‘’…my ears are popping…’’
‘’I wonder how far you could plummet before you blacked out…’’
‘’Well, don’t try it, May. We need you for this movie.’’
‘’Sure is tempting.’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Hm?’’
{Special thanks to the movie this is parodying, The Great Muppet Caper, directed by Jim Henson, B.S.C}
‘’What does B.S.C stand for?’’
‘’I don’t know…’’
{The threesome is staring at the credits going by}
‘’Gee, a lot of people worked on this movie.’’
‘’Hm. This is nothing. Wait ‘til you see the end credits.’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Hm?’’
‘’Are the credits over?’’
‘’Uh… not quite.’’
{written by Deliciously}
‘’Nobody reads those names anyway, do they?’’
‘’Sure. They all have families.’’
SpongeBob, Patrick and May stared up at the sky, as they floated around in the colored balloon and basket. ‘’Ah. That’s it. The sky is clear!’’ ‘’Well, now what do we do?’’ asked Patrick, SpongeBob’s identical twin brother, who was a completely different species. ‘’How does this movie start?’’ ‘’Well, we just pull that rope.’’ replied the sponge, nodding his head toward one of the ropes on the balloon. ‘’Yes sir!’’ and Patrick tugged the rope. In an instant, the balloon started a fast decent, causing it’s three passengers to start screaming. ‘’Oooh, we’re goin’ down! Heads up, down there!’’ cried SpongeBob as the balloon hit the ground. All the people in the city were smiling and staring as the balloon’s top blanketed the asphalt. May, the tall brown herring, stuck her head out from underneath the balloon. ‘’Wow! What an exciting beginning!’’ SpongeBob struggled out from under the balloon as the music started up.
‘’There'll be spectacle,
There'll be fantasy!
There'll be derring do,
And stuff like you would never see!’’
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’Yeah, we’re gonna be a movie!’’ sang May and Patrick
‘’Starring everybody-‘’ ‘’And meeee!’’ interrupted Patrick, again.
‘’There'll be heroes bold,
There'll be comedy!
And a lot of fuss,
That ends for us real happily!’’
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’We can watch it all develop!’’
‘’Starring everybody- ‘’ ‘’And meeee!’’ cut in May, riding on a bunch of crates being carried by a man.
‘’We'll take a world,
And set it on its ear!’’
‘’Come on join in,
We're gonna start right here!’’
In the middle of the number, a car hit the crates, sending May flat on her face in the street. ‘’It’s okay! I landed on my head!’’ she proclaimed. A one eyed plankton came running over, but then quickly fell down a manhole. ‘’HOLD IIIIIIT!!’’ screamed Patrick, abruptly stopping the music. ‘’Go ahead, SpongeBob.’’ SpongeBob nodded. ‘’Thank you. See, in this film, me and Patrick play crack investigative reporters for The Daily Chronicle. And May; she’s our photographer.’’ A car sped by, knocking the three of them onto the pavement. ‘’Boy, I wish I were you people, seeing this for the first time!’’ A wardrobe rack went past them. When it was done, SpongeBob and friends were all decked out in their reporter/photographer garb. The music picked up, and the three decided to continue the song.
‘’There'll be crooks and cops!’’
‘’There’ll be villainy!’’
‘’But with us on call,
We'll fix it all real easily!’’ the three sang all together.
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’Wow! It's gonna be terrific!’’
"Starring everybody- ‘’ ‘’And me…’’ said mysterious squid in a trenchcoat.
The music played on in the background. ‘’Now what we need now guys, is an exciting photostory.’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’Right this way, young lady!’’ said May, motioning to a chicken with her camera. ‘’I’ll take a picture of this chicken!’’ ‘’Oh.’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’Beautiful.’’ ‘’Nice shot, May!’’ commented Pat. ‘’Yeah! Smile, Chicky Baby!’’ and the flash snapped. Unbeknownst to them, the same squid in a trenchcoat was running over into the jewelry shop (but now dressed in pitch black), where famous fashion designer Lady Holiday stood in the doorway. He punched the servant near her and grabbed her purse. ‘’My jewels!’’Lady Holiday exclaimed in fright. ‘’Someone stole my jewels!’’ The man kept running down Main Street, cops blundering after him, until he hopped into a car, driving off in a hurry as people scattered the streets in terror. ‘’Look up! Hey, you wanna make the front pages, or not!’’ May yelled at the chicken. All three of their backs were still turned away from the scene of the crime; all their eyes on the chicken. May’s flash snapped again. ‘’SpongeBob, I got a great picture of the chicken!’’ ‘’Oh, good!’’ The music in the background picked up a lot louder.
‘’There'll be mystery,
And catastrophe.
But it's all in fun,
You paid the money wait and see!’’
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’Is there any way to stop it!?’’ intervened the plankton that fell down the manhole
‘’Starring everybody,’’
‘’Everybody…’’
‘’Everybody, and… ‘’
The dancing in the street grew more uppity and jazzy as May fired up the camera again.
‘’Me!’’ finished SpongeBob and Patrick with a smile as the picture was snapped.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 2: You're Fired!
____________________________________________________
‘Identical Twins Join Chronicle Staff.’ That’s what the title on the front page said as the editor-in-chief, Eugene Krabs, dropped it onto the desk. He sighed deeply. ‘’How could you miss a story like that?!” Krabs said, banging his fist so hard on the table it made the three jump. ‘’It was right under your noses! It practically bit you on the seat of the pants! There’s just no excuse!’’ ‘’I guess this would be a bad time to ask for a raise…?’’ said Patrick innocently. Krabs ogled them like they were mad. ‘’Raise? Raise?! Ohohoho… I’ll give you a raise!’’ Krabs banged the table again, making all three of them jump. He stood up. ‘’You read these headlines?’’ He picked up two of their competitors’ papers. ‘’ ‘Jewel Heist on Main Street’, and it’s in nice bold print, isn’t it?’’ ‘’Yes, and it’s very easy to read.’’ said SpongeBob. Krabs looked at him for a moment. ‘’Shut up now.’’ ‘’Sorry.’’ said the sponge regretfully. ‘’ ‘Lady Holiday’s Jewels Stolen’, that’s what it said in The Tax.’’ He put the paper down and picked up another one. ‘’Here’s The Herald; ‘Fashion Queen of London Robbed’… and last, but not least,’’ he grabbed The Chronicle, ‘’Here’s our ‘cute little backstory’; ‘Identical Twins Join The Chronicle Staff’. Now I ask you, what paper would you buy?’’ Patrick thought for a moment. ‘’I’d read the one that has Dear Abby.’’ Krabs groaned angrily and punched the table again, sending May so high she was holding on to light fixture from the ceiling. ‘’Hahahaha…’’ she laughed nervously as SpongeBob, Patrick and Krabs stared up at her. ‘’Gee, Mr. Krabs. We thought identical twins working on a newspaper would make an interesting story.’’ pleaded SpongeBob. ‘’Yeah!”’ said Patrick, taking off his brown hat and holding it in both hands. ‘’Well, it doesn’t! Especially since you two guys don’t look anything alike!’’ SpongeBob and Patrick glanced at each other, then back at Krabs. ‘’Well, that’s because Patrick’s not wearinghis hat. Patrick, put your hat back on.’’ ‘’Oh, yes sir.’’ Patrick patted his hat back onto his head. ‘’See?’’ Patrick and SpongeBob struck a pose and smiled. ‘’Oh yeah...’’ said Krabs, nodding his head. ‘’I can see it now… but that’s still no excuse for blowing a story!’’ Krabs replied. ‘’We’ll do better next time!’’ said Patrick. ‘’Next time… next time?! What makes you think there’s gonna BE a next time?!’’ ‘’Well, if there isn’t than this is gonna be a real short movie.’’ said SpongeBob weakly. Krabs grabbed a photo from his desk. ‘’The only reason I hired you two jerks was because your old man was a friend of mine!’’ The picture showed Krabs smiling next to a strange mix of starfish and sponge, in other words, a hybrid of both species. Krabs smiled at the picture. ‘’Dad spoke well of you, too.’’ muttered Patrick. ‘’Yeah, well I’m as sentimental as the next guy. That’s why I don’t want him to hear this.’’Krabs shut the picture into a drawer. ‘’You’re fired.’’ he said with a nod. SpongeBob and Patrick gasped loudly. Krabs got up from the chair. ‘’And take that fish down off the ceiling.’’ he said before he walked away completely. ‘’But… but… but… Mr. Krabs!’’protested SpongeBob. Patrick looked up at May. ‘’May?’’ ‘’Got it… WHOOWEE!’’ and she dropped herself from the light fixture and onto the floor. ‘’Won’t you listen to reason, sir?’’ begged SpongeBob. ‘’I’m not listening to anything, and I’m not giving you your job back!’’ yelled Krabs. ‘’I don’t want you to give us anything, we just wanna go to England to talk to Lady Holiday, the woman who was robbed, and we’ll catch those jewel theives for you! You see, all you have to do is pay our way to London!’’ ‘’Ooooooh, is THAT all I have to do!’’ Krabs flared, as May snapped a picture of him, laughing a little. ‘’Well, we could use some new luggage for the trip-‘’ ‘’LUGGAGE?!” he snapped at Patrick. ‘’Now look, beat it. I gotta deadline to meet.’’ Krabs said, heading for the office. ‘’Yeah, but how are we gonna get to London?!’’ ‘’I’ll tell you what, Patrick, since you’re such a good investigative reporter, YOU FIGURE IT OUT.’’ Krabs snapped at SpongeBob. Patrick cleared his throat. ‘’Uh, I’m Patrick.’’ ‘’Oh yeah… yeah, the hat.’’ Krabs slammed the door behind him. May darted her eyes every which way. ‘’STOP THE PRESSES!’’ she screamed at the top of her lungs. Everyone’s worried eyes darted at her immediately. Krabs burst out of the office. ‘’Why?! What happened?!’’ May looked at Mr. Krabs. ‘’I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to say that.’’ She snapped her camera flash at Krabs. ‘’Haha!’’ she laughed. Krabs spluttered part of what he was going to say, then looked at his watch, shot May a death glare, and shut the office door.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 3: Hear That Guys? We're in Great Britain!
____________________________________________________
The plane was floating slowly in the sky as it reared through the clouds, as our heroes sat in the dark cargo hold, where animals were making a little noise. ‘’Boy. It must be fifty below in here.’’ said SpongeBob, in a crate that read ‘Sponge’. ‘’You’re lucky. You’ve got body fat.’’ ‘’No no no, you’re the one with the body fat. Turn on your light and see for yourself.’’ Patrick pulled the cord attatched to the lightbulb, and light illuminatedhis crate that read, ‘Starfish’. ‘’Oh yeah. I keep mixing us up.’’ ‘’I think I’ll read for a while.’’ said SpongeBob, turning on his light. He looked around the crate. ‘’I wish I had a book.’’ ‘’SpongeBob? Can you reach the hostess call button? I’m hungry.’’ ‘’They don’t serve food in ninth class.’’ ‘’What?!’’ cried Patrick. ‘’Twelve dollars and we don’t even get a meal?’’ The sound of gunshot came from May’s crate, that read ‘Weirdo’. ‘’Hey, would you guys keep it down? I’m trying to watch the movie! Sheesh.’’ And she turned back to the screen. A man opened the door. ‘’Hey, somebody’s coming!” said SpongeBob optimistically. ‘’Maybe they’re bringing hamburgers!’’ ‘’All off for England!’’ exclaimed the man. ‘’Oh great! The plane is landing!’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’The plane?’’ The man opened the hatch to the outside world, causing a strong wind to blow from the plane’s whirling turbines. ‘’The plane lands in Italy!’’ He picked up Patrick’s crate. ‘’YOU land in England!’’ ‘’Whoa! Whoa! Wahahaha… ha… SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOOB!!!’’ Patrick exclaimed as he plummeted downward into the sky. The man took May’s crate next. ‘’What’s happening? WHOOPEE!’’ she exclaimed as she went flying out the door. SpongeBob gulped nervously as the man went for his crate.
It was all quiet in London. The water in the lake was placid and calm like the water surrounding it. A Mer-man sat on a bench, reading a paper. ‘’GERANIMOOOOOOOOOO!!’’ Patrick called into the sky right before he and the crate hit the water. ‘’ May’s crate splashed right next to it. ‘’Haha!’’ Shortly after, SpongeBob’s crate smashed into the water too. All that was heard was SpongeBob making a short gurgling noise. The British Mer-man folded up his paper. ‘’For once the forecast was right. It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.’’ SpongeBob popped out from his crate. ‘’No no, we’re sponges and starfish.’’ ‘’And weirdoes!’’ said May. ‘’Whatever you are, whoever you are, welcome to Great Britain.’’ ‘’Great Britain! We’re actually in Great Britain!’’ said SpongeBob happily. ‘’Oh no! We’ll never get to England now!’’ sighed Patrick sadly, hiding his face in his hands. ‘’You are in England, my pink friend. This scent of the isle… this Jewel of the North Atlantic.’’ ‘’Oh good. We’re going to London, and we were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel… actually, a cheap hotel.’’ asked SpongeBob. ‘’How cheap?’’ ‘’Free.’’ answered Patrick. ‘’Well, that narrows the field a little bit.’’ the Mer-man pulled out a little book. ‘’Let’s see… ‘Places Where You Can Park Your Carcasses’. Bus terminals… riverbanks… the Happiness Hotel…’’ ‘’Happiness Hotel? That sounds great!’’ ‘’What’s wrong with bus terminals?’’ winced May. The Mer-man got up and looked at them with a smile. SpongeBob looked from May to him. ‘’Well, thanks a lot for your help sir.’’ The Mer-man smiled and meandered off.
The double decker was going at a medium pace through the streets of London. It was driving into town, past a large statue and many buildings with sharp points. ‘’Hey guys, this is London!’’ said SpongeBob, looking out the window. ‘’Yeah, London! We made it!’’ ‘’Is that the Eiffel Tower?’’ asked May. ‘’Yeah-‘’ ‘’No.’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’Yeah, no.’’ They continued to look out the windows. ‘’Hey SpongeBob?’’ ‘’Yeah?’’ ‘’Are starfish allowed in those fountains?’’ SpongeBob turned around to face Patrick . ‘’What?’’ ‘’Are starfish allowed in those fountains?’’ ‘’I don’t think so.’’ ‘’I need a bath.’’ The double decker was going under a high arched bridge. ‘’This is terrific.’’ said Patrick. ‘’Wow, look at the scenery!’’ he exclaimed. ‘’It’s very realistic.’’ May said. ‘’Hey, what’s the name of this river?’’ she asked. ‘’I don’t know.’’ ‘’I think it’s the English River.’’ replied Patrick. ‘’Oh. I’ll take a picture of it.’’ May readied the camera and faced it towards the water. ‘’Say cheese!’’ The flash made a loud snap. ‘’Did I get my elbow in the shot?’’ ‘’Don’t worry, it adds human interest.’’ ‘’…but I’m a starfish.’’ The conductor came out to the middle of the double decker. ‘’Anyone for the Happiness Hotel?’’ The three of them turned around. ‘’Oh! Happiness Hotel!’’ ‘’That’s us!’’ SpongeBob intervened. ‘’Uh, yes! We want the Happiness Hotel!’’ The three of them headed for the door, but noticed the bus didn’t stop. ‘’WAAAAAH!!’’ They yelled as they, and their luggage, were pushed harshly onto the pavement. ‘’Wow…’’ said Patrick, hunched over his suitcase. ‘’Another crash landing. That was terrible.’’ SpongeBob moaned. ‘’Well, we’ll just have to do it again!’’ said May. SpongeBob squinted and looked across the street to see a rundown old building. ‘’Oh look, the Happiness Hotel! What do you think, guys?’’ he called to his friends. ‘’Wow, if that’s the Happiness Hotel, I’d hate to see what the sad one looks like.’’ said Patrick.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 4: Welcome to the Happiness Hotel!
The three walked into the building cautiously. The place looked devastated. The floorboards were lose, the roof was leaking, and there was dirt everywhere. There was a deep rumbling sound from the hall. And old man fish with a short beard and mustache was sleeping at the desk with his head on the reservation book. ‘’Excuse me,’’ said SpongeBob quietly. The old man bolted upright and looked around. ‘’What?!’’ ‘’We’d like a room, please.’’ The old man looked surprised. ‘’Really?’’ SpongeBob nodded. ‘’Yeah, we’d like to check in.’’ The old man smiled. ‘’Somebody’s checkin’ in!’’ he shouted as he rang the bell on his desk. Several odd characters came out of their rooms. ‘’Somebody’s checkin’ in?!’’ A fish with a beard and sunglasses began to strum his banjo. The others picked up as the old man began to sing.
‘’Oh there's no fire in the fireplace there's no carpet on the floor!
Don't try to order dinner, there's no kitchen anymore.
But if the road's been kind of bumpy and you need to rest a spell,’’
‘’Well, welcome home, to Happiness Hotel!’’ sang the others.
May, SpongeBob and Patrick shrugged and dropped their bags on the floor. Pops (the old man) looked at them. ‘’Hey, how you guys fixin’ to pay?’’ ‘’Well, what are our choices?’’ ‘’A, credit card. B, cash. Or C, sneak out in the middle of the night.’’ Patrick smiled. ‘’We’ll take C.’’ Pops picked up a flyswatter. ‘’Very popular choice.’’ He slapped the swatter on a fly that landed on the desk. A sea-cat by the furnace tapped it’s fat little toes as the music started up again. A teenage orange fish in a green tracksuit and glasses picked up the beat.
‘’ If you got luggage keep it handy but you're runnin' out of luck,
Cause the bellhops ain't too organized and the elevator's stuck!’’
A ratfish in a bellhop uniform joined in, ‘’So if you don't mind friendly animals and can learn to stand the smell,’’
‘’Well, welcome home, to the Happiness Hotel!’’
A dogfish was merrily playing the piano. SpongeBob walked up to him. ‘’You know, I may be mistaken, but the bellhops look like rats!’’ ‘’You should see the chambermaids!’’ A few feet away, May snapped a flash as the tiny ratfish carried the luggage away. Everyone began to dance and sway.
‘’Welcome home (welcome home)!,
Oh, welcome home (welcome home)!,
No matter where you wander, you will never do as well!’’
One of the rat bellhops started to tap-dance.
The hippie band in the corner picked up the music. ‘’Okay, the lobby's looking shabby and it's got the wrong address,’’
‘’And the whole dang thing has been condemned by American Express!’’
‘’Still the management is cheerful though the whole joint's gone to hell,’’
‘’Well, welcome home, to the Happiness Hotel!’’
SpongeBob strolled over to the band stand. ‘’ You guys live here?’’ ‘’Yeah, but only between gigs. So that means we've been here this time...what?...five years?’’ A valley girl fish with blonde hair and a base guitar spoke up. ‘’ Well, like, okay, y'know, I mean, like, okay, things are really gonna break as soon as we get our new glossies!’’ The drumming beast began wildly beating the drums to death. ‘’What’s wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.’’ ‘’Ah, he’s just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.’’ ‘’RENOIR! RENOIR!’’ shouted the drummer. The music picked up once more. The trumpeter played like a wild man, jittering everywhere with that trumpet. The valley girl strummed her base. The sax player had his solo. Then the trumpet fish, and then the hippie at the piano began slamming on the keys, making an awesome sound to go with the noise. The drummer drummed harder. SpongeBob leaned and arm on the band stand and swayed as the sax player kept blowing the sax in his face. The man at the piano started going wild, fingers flying everywhere. The trumpeter and the base valley girl finished the instrumental. The dogfish that was a few minutes earlier playing the piano and the bellhops began singing.
‘’Oh, there are bugs (there are bugs),
And there are lice (there are lice).’’
‘’Sure, we have our little problems, but you'll never beat the price!’’ sang the teenage fish.
May and Patrick picked up also.
‘’You got every kind of critter,’’
‘’You got every kind of pest,’’
‘’But we treat ‘em all as equals just like any other guest!’’ sang Pops.
‘’Though you're cleaner than the others, still as far as we can tell,
You’ll fit right in, at the Happiness Hotel!’’
SpongeBob and Patrick joined in, ‘’We’ll fit right in, at the Happiness Hotel!!’’
‘’Say cheese!’’ screeched May. Everyone posed for the picture. The flash snapped, and everyone went blind for a minute. A one eyed plankton poked his head out the door. ‘’You are all WEIRDOES.’’ He slammed the door.
The ratfish sat the bags down in the dimly lit room. ‘’Oh, that’s just fine, right there.’’ said Pat. One of the rats held out their hand. ‘’ Ahem.’’ he said expectantly. Patrick blinked once and stared blankly at him. ‘’Thank you.’’ The rat scowled and walked off. ‘’Hey, not bad!’’ said May as SpongeBob sat his suitcase on the bed. ‘’Are you sure we can afford this?’’ Patrick licked his palm and used it to push down the fur on his teddy bear. ‘’Hey SpongeBob, I’m getting hungry.’’ ‘’Call room service.’’ suggested May. ‘’There’s no phone.’’ ‘’That’s okay, there’s no food either.’’ The rats laughed as they walked out of the room. ‘’Look, why don’t we forget about food and get a good night’s sleep. We have to get up early to interview Lady Holiday!’’ said SpongeBob. Patrick slipped his nightcap on. ‘’Boy, I sure could use something from one or more of the basic food groups.’’ he whined as he straightened out his side of the bed. May jumped in the middle. ‘’We’ll have breakfast in the morning. Just be thankful we’re even here.’’ laughed SpongeBob as he got in bed. ‘’WAAAAAAH!’’ they all cried as the bed sprung back into the wall. ‘’Hey, this is NICE.’’ said May.
‘’Could somebody turn out the light?’’ asked SpongeBob.
The light bulb crashed on the floor as it fell out of the socket.
‘’Thank you.’’
____________________________________________________
Cast:
SpongeBob: Kermit
Patrick: Fozzie
May (in fish form): Gonzo
Sandy: Miss Piggy
Mr. Krabs: the Editor guy
Squidward: Nicky Holiday
Mrs. Puff: Lady Holiday
Chapter One: Hey, A Movie!
____________________________________________________
‘’Pretty nice up here isn’t it?’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Huh?’’
‘’What if we drift out to sea? What if we’re never heard from again? W-What if there’s a storm?! We’ll get struck by lightning!”
‘’That’d be neat!’’
‘’Listen, nothing’s gonna happen! These are just the opening credits.’’
‘’Oh… where are they?’’
{A large piece of text appears on the screen}
‘’Wow!’’
{The Great Spongy Caper}
‘’Nice title.’’
‘’Whoowee! I’d like to try this WITHOUT the balloon!’’
‘’Try what, plummeting?!”’
‘’Yeeeaaaah.’’’
‘’I suppose you could try it. Once.’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Hm?’’
‘’How long are these opening credits?’’
‘’Just another minute or so.’’
‘’…my ears are popping…’’
‘’I wonder how far you could plummet before you blacked out…’’
‘’Well, don’t try it, May. We need you for this movie.’’
‘’Sure is tempting.’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Hm?’’
{Special thanks to the movie this is parodying, The Great Muppet Caper, directed by Jim Henson, B.S.C}
‘’What does B.S.C stand for?’’
‘’I don’t know…’’
{The threesome is staring at the credits going by}
‘’Gee, a lot of people worked on this movie.’’
‘’Hm. This is nothing. Wait ‘til you see the end credits.’’
‘’SpongeBob?’’
‘’Hm?’’
‘’Are the credits over?’’
‘’Uh… not quite.’’
{written by Deliciously}
‘’Nobody reads those names anyway, do they?’’
‘’Sure. They all have families.’’
SpongeBob, Patrick and May stared up at the sky, as they floated around in the colored balloon and basket. ‘’Ah. That’s it. The sky is clear!’’ ‘’Well, now what do we do?’’ asked Patrick, SpongeBob’s identical twin brother, who was a completely different species. ‘’How does this movie start?’’ ‘’Well, we just pull that rope.’’ replied the sponge, nodding his head toward one of the ropes on the balloon. ‘’Yes sir!’’ and Patrick tugged the rope. In an instant, the balloon started a fast decent, causing it’s three passengers to start screaming. ‘’Oooh, we’re goin’ down! Heads up, down there!’’ cried SpongeBob as the balloon hit the ground. All the people in the city were smiling and staring as the balloon’s top blanketed the asphalt. May, the tall brown herring, stuck her head out from underneath the balloon. ‘’Wow! What an exciting beginning!’’ SpongeBob struggled out from under the balloon as the music started up.
‘’There'll be spectacle,
There'll be fantasy!
There'll be derring do,
And stuff like you would never see!’’
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’Yeah, we’re gonna be a movie!’’ sang May and Patrick
‘’Starring everybody-‘’ ‘’And meeee!’’ interrupted Patrick, again.
‘’There'll be heroes bold,
There'll be comedy!
And a lot of fuss,
That ends for us real happily!’’
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’We can watch it all develop!’’
‘’Starring everybody- ‘’ ‘’And meeee!’’ cut in May, riding on a bunch of crates being carried by a man.
‘’We'll take a world,
And set it on its ear!’’
‘’Come on join in,
We're gonna start right here!’’
In the middle of the number, a car hit the crates, sending May flat on her face in the street. ‘’It’s okay! I landed on my head!’’ she proclaimed. A one eyed plankton came running over, but then quickly fell down a manhole. ‘’HOLD IIIIIIT!!’’ screamed Patrick, abruptly stopping the music. ‘’Go ahead, SpongeBob.’’ SpongeBob nodded. ‘’Thank you. See, in this film, me and Patrick play crack investigative reporters for The Daily Chronicle. And May; she’s our photographer.’’ A car sped by, knocking the three of them onto the pavement. ‘’Boy, I wish I were you people, seeing this for the first time!’’ A wardrobe rack went past them. When it was done, SpongeBob and friends were all decked out in their reporter/photographer garb. The music picked up, and the three decided to continue the song.
‘’There'll be crooks and cops!’’
‘’There’ll be villainy!’’
‘’But with us on call,
We'll fix it all real easily!’’ the three sang all together.
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’Wow! It's gonna be terrific!’’
"Starring everybody- ‘’ ‘’And me…’’ said mysterious squid in a trenchcoat.
The music played on in the background. ‘’Now what we need now guys, is an exciting photostory.’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’Right this way, young lady!’’ said May, motioning to a chicken with her camera. ‘’I’ll take a picture of this chicken!’’ ‘’Oh.’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’Beautiful.’’ ‘’Nice shot, May!’’ commented Pat. ‘’Yeah! Smile, Chicky Baby!’’ and the flash snapped. Unbeknownst to them, the same squid in a trenchcoat was running over into the jewelry shop (but now dressed in pitch black), where famous fashion designer Lady Holiday stood in the doorway. He punched the servant near her and grabbed her purse. ‘’My jewels!’’Lady Holiday exclaimed in fright. ‘’Someone stole my jewels!’’ The man kept running down Main Street, cops blundering after him, until he hopped into a car, driving off in a hurry as people scattered the streets in terror. ‘’Look up! Hey, you wanna make the front pages, or not!’’ May yelled at the chicken. All three of their backs were still turned away from the scene of the crime; all their eyes on the chicken. May’s flash snapped again. ‘’SpongeBob, I got a great picture of the chicken!’’ ‘’Oh, good!’’ The music in the background picked up a lot louder.
‘’There'll be mystery,
And catastrophe.
But it's all in fun,
You paid the money wait and see!’’
‘’Hey, a movie!’’
‘’Is there any way to stop it!?’’ intervened the plankton that fell down the manhole
‘’Starring everybody,’’
‘’Everybody…’’
‘’Everybody, and… ‘’
The dancing in the street grew more uppity and jazzy as May fired up the camera again.
‘’Me!’’ finished SpongeBob and Patrick with a smile as the picture was snapped.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 2: You're Fired!
____________________________________________________
‘Identical Twins Join Chronicle Staff.’ That’s what the title on the front page said as the editor-in-chief, Eugene Krabs, dropped it onto the desk. He sighed deeply. ‘’How could you miss a story like that?!” Krabs said, banging his fist so hard on the table it made the three jump. ‘’It was right under your noses! It practically bit you on the seat of the pants! There’s just no excuse!’’ ‘’I guess this would be a bad time to ask for a raise…?’’ said Patrick innocently. Krabs ogled them like they were mad. ‘’Raise? Raise?! Ohohoho… I’ll give you a raise!’’ Krabs banged the table again, making all three of them jump. He stood up. ‘’You read these headlines?’’ He picked up two of their competitors’ papers. ‘’ ‘Jewel Heist on Main Street’, and it’s in nice bold print, isn’t it?’’ ‘’Yes, and it’s very easy to read.’’ said SpongeBob. Krabs looked at him for a moment. ‘’Shut up now.’’ ‘’Sorry.’’ said the sponge regretfully. ‘’ ‘Lady Holiday’s Jewels Stolen’, that’s what it said in The Tax.’’ He put the paper down and picked up another one. ‘’Here’s The Herald; ‘Fashion Queen of London Robbed’… and last, but not least,’’ he grabbed The Chronicle, ‘’Here’s our ‘cute little backstory’; ‘Identical Twins Join The Chronicle Staff’. Now I ask you, what paper would you buy?’’ Patrick thought for a moment. ‘’I’d read the one that has Dear Abby.’’ Krabs groaned angrily and punched the table again, sending May so high she was holding on to light fixture from the ceiling. ‘’Hahahaha…’’ she laughed nervously as SpongeBob, Patrick and Krabs stared up at her. ‘’Gee, Mr. Krabs. We thought identical twins working on a newspaper would make an interesting story.’’ pleaded SpongeBob. ‘’Yeah!”’ said Patrick, taking off his brown hat and holding it in both hands. ‘’Well, it doesn’t! Especially since you two guys don’t look anything alike!’’ SpongeBob and Patrick glanced at each other, then back at Krabs. ‘’Well, that’s because Patrick’s not wearinghis hat. Patrick, put your hat back on.’’ ‘’Oh, yes sir.’’ Patrick patted his hat back onto his head. ‘’See?’’ Patrick and SpongeBob struck a pose and smiled. ‘’Oh yeah...’’ said Krabs, nodding his head. ‘’I can see it now… but that’s still no excuse for blowing a story!’’ Krabs replied. ‘’We’ll do better next time!’’ said Patrick. ‘’Next time… next time?! What makes you think there’s gonna BE a next time?!’’ ‘’Well, if there isn’t than this is gonna be a real short movie.’’ said SpongeBob weakly. Krabs grabbed a photo from his desk. ‘’The only reason I hired you two jerks was because your old man was a friend of mine!’’ The picture showed Krabs smiling next to a strange mix of starfish and sponge, in other words, a hybrid of both species. Krabs smiled at the picture. ‘’Dad spoke well of you, too.’’ muttered Patrick. ‘’Yeah, well I’m as sentimental as the next guy. That’s why I don’t want him to hear this.’’Krabs shut the picture into a drawer. ‘’You’re fired.’’ he said with a nod. SpongeBob and Patrick gasped loudly. Krabs got up from the chair. ‘’And take that fish down off the ceiling.’’ he said before he walked away completely. ‘’But… but… but… Mr. Krabs!’’protested SpongeBob. Patrick looked up at May. ‘’May?’’ ‘’Got it… WHOOWEE!’’ and she dropped herself from the light fixture and onto the floor. ‘’Won’t you listen to reason, sir?’’ begged SpongeBob. ‘’I’m not listening to anything, and I’m not giving you your job back!’’ yelled Krabs. ‘’I don’t want you to give us anything, we just wanna go to England to talk to Lady Holiday, the woman who was robbed, and we’ll catch those jewel theives for you! You see, all you have to do is pay our way to London!’’ ‘’Ooooooh, is THAT all I have to do!’’ Krabs flared, as May snapped a picture of him, laughing a little. ‘’Well, we could use some new luggage for the trip-‘’ ‘’LUGGAGE?!” he snapped at Patrick. ‘’Now look, beat it. I gotta deadline to meet.’’ Krabs said, heading for the office. ‘’Yeah, but how are we gonna get to London?!’’ ‘’I’ll tell you what, Patrick, since you’re such a good investigative reporter, YOU FIGURE IT OUT.’’ Krabs snapped at SpongeBob. Patrick cleared his throat. ‘’Uh, I’m Patrick.’’ ‘’Oh yeah… yeah, the hat.’’ Krabs slammed the door behind him. May darted her eyes every which way. ‘’STOP THE PRESSES!’’ she screamed at the top of her lungs. Everyone’s worried eyes darted at her immediately. Krabs burst out of the office. ‘’Why?! What happened?!’’ May looked at Mr. Krabs. ‘’I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to say that.’’ She snapped her camera flash at Krabs. ‘’Haha!’’ she laughed. Krabs spluttered part of what he was going to say, then looked at his watch, shot May a death glare, and shut the office door.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 3: Hear That Guys? We're in Great Britain!
____________________________________________________
The plane was floating slowly in the sky as it reared through the clouds, as our heroes sat in the dark cargo hold, where animals were making a little noise. ‘’Boy. It must be fifty below in here.’’ said SpongeBob, in a crate that read ‘Sponge’. ‘’You’re lucky. You’ve got body fat.’’ ‘’No no no, you’re the one with the body fat. Turn on your light and see for yourself.’’ Patrick pulled the cord attatched to the lightbulb, and light illuminatedhis crate that read, ‘Starfish’. ‘’Oh yeah. I keep mixing us up.’’ ‘’I think I’ll read for a while.’’ said SpongeBob, turning on his light. He looked around the crate. ‘’I wish I had a book.’’ ‘’SpongeBob? Can you reach the hostess call button? I’m hungry.’’ ‘’They don’t serve food in ninth class.’’ ‘’What?!’’ cried Patrick. ‘’Twelve dollars and we don’t even get a meal?’’ The sound of gunshot came from May’s crate, that read ‘Weirdo’. ‘’Hey, would you guys keep it down? I’m trying to watch the movie! Sheesh.’’ And she turned back to the screen. A man opened the door. ‘’Hey, somebody’s coming!” said SpongeBob optimistically. ‘’Maybe they’re bringing hamburgers!’’ ‘’All off for England!’’ exclaimed the man. ‘’Oh great! The plane is landing!’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’The plane?’’ The man opened the hatch to the outside world, causing a strong wind to blow from the plane’s whirling turbines. ‘’The plane lands in Italy!’’ He picked up Patrick’s crate. ‘’YOU land in England!’’ ‘’Whoa! Whoa! Wahahaha… ha… SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOOB!!!’’ Patrick exclaimed as he plummeted downward into the sky. The man took May’s crate next. ‘’What’s happening? WHOOPEE!’’ she exclaimed as she went flying out the door. SpongeBob gulped nervously as the man went for his crate.
It was all quiet in London. The water in the lake was placid and calm like the water surrounding it. A Mer-man sat on a bench, reading a paper. ‘’GERANIMOOOOOOOOOO!!’’ Patrick called into the sky right before he and the crate hit the water. ‘’ May’s crate splashed right next to it. ‘’Haha!’’ Shortly after, SpongeBob’s crate smashed into the water too. All that was heard was SpongeBob making a short gurgling noise. The British Mer-man folded up his paper. ‘’For once the forecast was right. It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.’’ SpongeBob popped out from his crate. ‘’No no, we’re sponges and starfish.’’ ‘’And weirdoes!’’ said May. ‘’Whatever you are, whoever you are, welcome to Great Britain.’’ ‘’Great Britain! We’re actually in Great Britain!’’ said SpongeBob happily. ‘’Oh no! We’ll never get to England now!’’ sighed Patrick sadly, hiding his face in his hands. ‘’You are in England, my pink friend. This scent of the isle… this Jewel of the North Atlantic.’’ ‘’Oh good. We’re going to London, and we were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel… actually, a cheap hotel.’’ asked SpongeBob. ‘’How cheap?’’ ‘’Free.’’ answered Patrick. ‘’Well, that narrows the field a little bit.’’ the Mer-man pulled out a little book. ‘’Let’s see… ‘Places Where You Can Park Your Carcasses’. Bus terminals… riverbanks… the Happiness Hotel…’’ ‘’Happiness Hotel? That sounds great!’’ ‘’What’s wrong with bus terminals?’’ winced May. The Mer-man got up and looked at them with a smile. SpongeBob looked from May to him. ‘’Well, thanks a lot for your help sir.’’ The Mer-man smiled and meandered off.
The double decker was going at a medium pace through the streets of London. It was driving into town, past a large statue and many buildings with sharp points. ‘’Hey guys, this is London!’’ said SpongeBob, looking out the window. ‘’Yeah, London! We made it!’’ ‘’Is that the Eiffel Tower?’’ asked May. ‘’Yeah-‘’ ‘’No.’’ said SpongeBob. ‘’Yeah, no.’’ They continued to look out the windows. ‘’Hey SpongeBob?’’ ‘’Yeah?’’ ‘’Are starfish allowed in those fountains?’’ SpongeBob turned around to face Patrick . ‘’What?’’ ‘’Are starfish allowed in those fountains?’’ ‘’I don’t think so.’’ ‘’I need a bath.’’ The double decker was going under a high arched bridge. ‘’This is terrific.’’ said Patrick. ‘’Wow, look at the scenery!’’ he exclaimed. ‘’It’s very realistic.’’ May said. ‘’Hey, what’s the name of this river?’’ she asked. ‘’I don’t know.’’ ‘’I think it’s the English River.’’ replied Patrick. ‘’Oh. I’ll take a picture of it.’’ May readied the camera and faced it towards the water. ‘’Say cheese!’’ The flash made a loud snap. ‘’Did I get my elbow in the shot?’’ ‘’Don’t worry, it adds human interest.’’ ‘’…but I’m a starfish.’’ The conductor came out to the middle of the double decker. ‘’Anyone for the Happiness Hotel?’’ The three of them turned around. ‘’Oh! Happiness Hotel!’’ ‘’That’s us!’’ SpongeBob intervened. ‘’Uh, yes! We want the Happiness Hotel!’’ The three of them headed for the door, but noticed the bus didn’t stop. ‘’WAAAAAH!!’’ They yelled as they, and their luggage, were pushed harshly onto the pavement. ‘’Wow…’’ said Patrick, hunched over his suitcase. ‘’Another crash landing. That was terrible.’’ SpongeBob moaned. ‘’Well, we’ll just have to do it again!’’ said May. SpongeBob squinted and looked across the street to see a rundown old building. ‘’Oh look, the Happiness Hotel! What do you think, guys?’’ he called to his friends. ‘’Wow, if that’s the Happiness Hotel, I’d hate to see what the sad one looks like.’’ said Patrick.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 4: Welcome to the Happiness Hotel!
The three walked into the building cautiously. The place looked devastated. The floorboards were lose, the roof was leaking, and there was dirt everywhere. There was a deep rumbling sound from the hall. And old man fish with a short beard and mustache was sleeping at the desk with his head on the reservation book. ‘’Excuse me,’’ said SpongeBob quietly. The old man bolted upright and looked around. ‘’What?!’’ ‘’We’d like a room, please.’’ The old man looked surprised. ‘’Really?’’ SpongeBob nodded. ‘’Yeah, we’d like to check in.’’ The old man smiled. ‘’Somebody’s checkin’ in!’’ he shouted as he rang the bell on his desk. Several odd characters came out of their rooms. ‘’Somebody’s checkin’ in?!’’ A fish with a beard and sunglasses began to strum his banjo. The others picked up as the old man began to sing.
‘’Oh there's no fire in the fireplace there's no carpet on the floor!
Don't try to order dinner, there's no kitchen anymore.
But if the road's been kind of bumpy and you need to rest a spell,’’
‘’Well, welcome home, to Happiness Hotel!’’ sang the others.
May, SpongeBob and Patrick shrugged and dropped their bags on the floor. Pops (the old man) looked at them. ‘’Hey, how you guys fixin’ to pay?’’ ‘’Well, what are our choices?’’ ‘’A, credit card. B, cash. Or C, sneak out in the middle of the night.’’ Patrick smiled. ‘’We’ll take C.’’ Pops picked up a flyswatter. ‘’Very popular choice.’’ He slapped the swatter on a fly that landed on the desk. A sea-cat by the furnace tapped it’s fat little toes as the music started up again. A teenage orange fish in a green tracksuit and glasses picked up the beat.
‘’ If you got luggage keep it handy but you're runnin' out of luck,
Cause the bellhops ain't too organized and the elevator's stuck!’’
A ratfish in a bellhop uniform joined in, ‘’So if you don't mind friendly animals and can learn to stand the smell,’’
‘’Well, welcome home, to the Happiness Hotel!’’
A dogfish was merrily playing the piano. SpongeBob walked up to him. ‘’You know, I may be mistaken, but the bellhops look like rats!’’ ‘’You should see the chambermaids!’’ A few feet away, May snapped a flash as the tiny ratfish carried the luggage away. Everyone began to dance and sway.
‘’Welcome home (welcome home)!,
Oh, welcome home (welcome home)!,
No matter where you wander, you will never do as well!’’
One of the rat bellhops started to tap-dance.
The hippie band in the corner picked up the music. ‘’Okay, the lobby's looking shabby and it's got the wrong address,’’
‘’And the whole dang thing has been condemned by American Express!’’
‘’Still the management is cheerful though the whole joint's gone to hell,’’
‘’Well, welcome home, to the Happiness Hotel!’’
SpongeBob strolled over to the band stand. ‘’ You guys live here?’’ ‘’Yeah, but only between gigs. So that means we've been here this time...what?...five years?’’ A valley girl fish with blonde hair and a base guitar spoke up. ‘’ Well, like, okay, y'know, I mean, like, okay, things are really gonna break as soon as we get our new glossies!’’ The drumming beast began wildly beating the drums to death. ‘’What’s wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.’’ ‘’Ah, he’s just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.’’ ‘’RENOIR! RENOIR!’’ shouted the drummer. The music picked up once more. The trumpeter played like a wild man, jittering everywhere with that trumpet. The valley girl strummed her base. The sax player had his solo. Then the trumpet fish, and then the hippie at the piano began slamming on the keys, making an awesome sound to go with the noise. The drummer drummed harder. SpongeBob leaned and arm on the band stand and swayed as the sax player kept blowing the sax in his face. The man at the piano started going wild, fingers flying everywhere. The trumpeter and the base valley girl finished the instrumental. The dogfish that was a few minutes earlier playing the piano and the bellhops began singing.
‘’Oh, there are bugs (there are bugs),
And there are lice (there are lice).’’
‘’Sure, we have our little problems, but you'll never beat the price!’’ sang the teenage fish.
May and Patrick picked up also.
‘’You got every kind of critter,’’
‘’You got every kind of pest,’’
‘’But we treat ‘em all as equals just like any other guest!’’ sang Pops.
‘’Though you're cleaner than the others, still as far as we can tell,
You’ll fit right in, at the Happiness Hotel!’’
SpongeBob and Patrick joined in, ‘’We’ll fit right in, at the Happiness Hotel!!’’
‘’Say cheese!’’ screeched May. Everyone posed for the picture. The flash snapped, and everyone went blind for a minute. A one eyed plankton poked his head out the door. ‘’You are all WEIRDOES.’’ He slammed the door.
The ratfish sat the bags down in the dimly lit room. ‘’Oh, that’s just fine, right there.’’ said Pat. One of the rats held out their hand. ‘’ Ahem.’’ he said expectantly. Patrick blinked once and stared blankly at him. ‘’Thank you.’’ The rat scowled and walked off. ‘’Hey, not bad!’’ said May as SpongeBob sat his suitcase on the bed. ‘’Are you sure we can afford this?’’ Patrick licked his palm and used it to push down the fur on his teddy bear. ‘’Hey SpongeBob, I’m getting hungry.’’ ‘’Call room service.’’ suggested May. ‘’There’s no phone.’’ ‘’That’s okay, there’s no food either.’’ The rats laughed as they walked out of the room. ‘’Look, why don’t we forget about food and get a good night’s sleep. We have to get up early to interview Lady Holiday!’’ said SpongeBob. Patrick slipped his nightcap on. ‘’Boy, I sure could use something from one or more of the basic food groups.’’ he whined as he straightened out his side of the bed. May jumped in the middle. ‘’We’ll have breakfast in the morning. Just be thankful we’re even here.’’ laughed SpongeBob as he got in bed. ‘’WAAAAAAH!’’ they all cried as the bed sprung back into the wall. ‘’Hey, this is NICE.’’ said May.
‘’Could somebody turn out the light?’’ asked SpongeBob.
The light bulb crashed on the floor as it fell out of the socket.
‘’Thank you.’’
____________________________________________________
Love it again!!! 
